NaNoWriMo Day 10

Yes, the truth is that it is day 10 and I am far behind from where I need to be in my word count. So, instead of dwelling on that horrifying fact, I am going to tell you about my day 9.

Yesterday, I did not type one word towards my goal. All day at work, I sat in a daydream. Usually, when I'm not having to do actual work, I read other blogs, check my stats, text, or play on my phone or iPod. Yesterday, though, I hardly did any of the above. I mean, I did check Facebook and my blog stats a few times, and maybe texted a little, but for most of the day, I found busy work to do or just stared out of our front door. Matt asked me several times what was wrong, but I never really had an answer. I was just tired, I guess.

Towards the end of the work day, I decided I wanted to go see a movie. I needed to spend some time not in my world, time away from thinking about my book. Leah met up with me and we saw MegaMind. It was funny; a really cute movie. We got home around 10:45 I think. Maybe 11? Not really sure. But when I got home, I sat in my bed and opened my Mac so that I could start writing, even if only for a little while. Somehow, I ended up laying down, and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out.

I woke up at 2 something. My big light was still on and I will still wearing my clothes and contacts. Also, I was laying in a really weird position and my entire body felt tense.

What woke me up was the dream I had during that short period of time. I dreamt that everything I started, I couldn't finish for whatever reason; people kept coming in or tragedies were occuring or I just didn't think I could finish whatever it was. I was so frustrated.

I am pretty sure stress about finishing this book has finally gotten to me. I keep analyzing every detail I put into it and worry that it doesn't sound good or isn't interesting. I think that is what is keeping me back the most. Even though no one else is reading it, or has read it, I can not stop worrying how awful it is.

It's hard for me to just keep writing because I take anything that I do so seriously. I want to always be great at what I do and the truth is, I may not be. But even so, I set out doing this for fun and because I have always wanted to write a book. I wish I could take the advice I keep telling myself and "just write; don't worry about the details and flow of the book, you can fix it later." It's so hard though.

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Here is a list of why I am already stressed today:
1. I have a ton of laundry that NEEDS to be done tonight so I can
2. Pack my bags for this weekend.
3. I NEED to clean out my nasty car because
4. Ash and I are leaving for North Augusta tomorrow after work.
5. We start our new Bible study tonight with our small group.
6. I have to run to Walmart for necessities.
7. I am so far behind in my word count that it's embarrassing. I need to type SOMETHING tonight.
8. And, there are some other personal things I could add to this list, but I won't.

Poor planning, Cassie. I am very disappointed.