A Leap of Faith.

Don’t you be afraid, for I am with you. 

Don’t be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. 

Yes, I will uphold you with the 

right hand of my righteousness

Isaiah 41:10

Fear and doubt keep me from doing a lot of things. It is not so much the fear of doing whatever it is, I fear that whatever I am choosing to do may be the wrong choice; that it's not God's plan for my life. 

I have never been one to take failure very well. And I have always strived to do the right thing in every situation because I don't like to disappoint anyone. That is what is inbred in me. It's who I am. Because of this, I really struggle with making major decisions for my life, like what I should be doing as a career. In my mind, I know that no matter what I do, God and my family will be proud of me but it is so hard for me to fully believe that in my heart. I want to follow God's will for my life because ultimately, He knows where I should be and what I should be doing and what will make me happiest; it's the not knowing what exactly His will is that gets me. 

I understand that He gives us choices and His will can be carried out as long as we don't stray from His path, but I just can't help but doubt my choices and actions. I get so afraid that I just tell myself "oh, I'll drop everything and follow His will when He tells me what to do." But, I think all of this doubt and fear is keeping me from hearing His voice and I am tired of it. 

I have been at the same job and in the same routine for three years now and I am comfortable. Well, miserable but comfortable. And that, my friends, is a dangerous situation to be in. I am not taking any risks or doing what I love. I am just stuck.

Talking with Emily tonight has made me realize all of this and I think I am ready to do something about it. We set a date next Friday night to look into schools for me to go to. I can tell you that I am terrified, but relieved. I need to do something more with my life. Right now, I feel useless. 

If I finally start doing something I love, I could gear my career, my passion, and my life to furthering the Kingdom of God in ways I never thought I could. And I know that whatever I decide to do, my Father will bless me in ways I can't imagine. All it takes is a leap of Faith.

Oh the places you'll go...

You’ll look up and down streets.

Look’em over with care.

About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”

With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,

you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down.

In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town.

It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do

to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,

don’t worry. Don’t stew.

Just go right along.

You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

-Dr. Seuss

This past weekend was the first time since early spring that I got to go "home" and visit. I had so much fun with my friends! But, of course, I forgot to take pictures... every time someone visits or I go visit someone, I get all caught up in the fun and forget to take pictures. Bummer.

Paige and I stayed at Blakeley's house all weekend. I got to see Paige play soccer for her college which was a lot of fun! Daddy went with me and taught me the rules... it's more than just kicking a ball around a field... who knew?! Our team lost, but I believe they played very well. Paige grabbed a girl and pulled her backwards to the ground. It was awesome! I've never been so proud. :P

I also got to visit the church I grew up in on Sunday. I miss it so much! Everything about Christian Heritage is beyond amazing. :)

In November, I have a FOUR DAY WEEKEND! I was planning on going to visit my sister and brother-in-law in West Virginia, but they will be at the state youth conference that weekend. So, I am looking into going to a North Carolina beach for a few days. This trip will coincide with NaNoWriMo which means I could be writing my novel on the beach in the cold! Hopefully it will work out.
I've looked into Wilmington and Carolina Beach... both look promising.

If that trip does not work out, I still want to go somewhere... anywhere! Hm, a couple of day trips around Tennessee wouldn't be a bad idea. I'd even go visit North Augusta again. ;)

We'll see how it goes...

In the muggle world...

A Harry Potter exhibit is opening in Seattle! (Click here for the link.) It will be open from October 23, 2010 - January 30, 2011 and I want to go so very badly!

They will have tons of props and costumes from the movies on display and rooms set up like the Great Hall, Hagrid's hut, the Gryffindor common room, the boys dormitory, and more. Here are a few pictures from the website:

Hagrid's hut

Marauder's Map, Harry's wand, his glasses,

 his Hogwarts acceptance letter, and other props

Buckbeak!

Quidditch game

quaffel, bludgers, golden snitch, etc.

TriWizard trophy

They will even have props from the Deathly Hallows. How awesome does this look? Too bad the exhibit isn't going to be in other cities as well... guess that means I'm going to Seattle...

 

Who wants to take me?! :)

F I F T Y T W O

52 FACTS. (see the pattern?)

1. I learned to change a tire in rush hour traffic on the interstate in Atlanta without the help of the woman cop that stopped to give "assistance".

2. Love to online shop, but hardly ever buy anything.

3. My birthday is February 15.

4. I own a pair of Keens that hardly ever get worn.

5. I want a tattoo on my wrist and foot.

6. I am completely stubborn.

7. Can't drink milk by itself; in fact, I can only tolerate it in cereal.

8. I am deathly afraid of caterpillars. (and any other worm-like creature)

9. I would rather EAT a caterpillar than speak in front of an audience.

10. [This fact is a secret. Therefore, I cannot reveal it.]

11. Can't stand the sound of my voice on a recording.

12. Have done Locks of Love twice and plan on doing it again soon.

13. I am super ticklish.

14. Wear my Rainbows with everything.

15. I still have a box in my trunk filled with stuff from when I moved to TN over 3 years ago.

16. I laugh at EVERYTHING.

17. Addicted to chapstick.

18. Love shopping at dollar stores. (Did you know everything is $1?!)

19. Favorite letter: R ; Favorite numbers: 2 & 7.

20. I drive an unluxurious Chevy Cavalier named "LJ". (If you can guess why that is his name, you win!)

21. I watch several vloggers on Youtube.

22. I get a headache when I smell a school bus. (I rode the school bus in elementary school and I can remember getting a headache almost everyday from the same smell.)

23. I enjoy storms.

24. Play Sudoku on my iPod every night to ease me into sleep.

25. I really enjoy making lists. (especially on sticky notes!)

26. Sometimes, I do consider moving back to SC... but the consideration doesn't last very long when I remember where I live now.

27. My brother and I once made a model motorcycle for my dad out of an empty toilet paper roll, tootpicks, glue, and whatever else we could find.

28. I live in a house with one roommate.

29. Quite often, I respond to people with a movie quote.

30. I have never even tried any kind of alcoholic beverage.

31. I watch movies while I get ready.

32. My initials are CBS.

33. I don't find silence awkward.

34. I didn't say "butt" or "shut up" until 8th grade.

35. Also, I didn't admit to liking boys until 8th grade.

36. Algebra is fun to me.

37. I tip a waiter/waitress at least $2 even if it was bad service.

38. Sharpie pens are my favorite.

39. When we'd play house, I was the mother; When we'd play school, I was the teacher; When we'd play Madeline, I was the nun... I have an "old" soul.

40. I have seen Rascal Flatts in concert. They were amazing.

41. I do not like, nor do I wear heart jewelry.

42. In first grade, I had to "pull my card" for the first time because the teacher thought I was talking. (Which I was not.) I cried and made myself sick so Momma had to come and get me.

43. My "go to" movies for bed time: Harry Potter, You've Got Mail, Pride and Prejudice, A Walk to Remember, and The Wedding Date.

44. Unless I forget it at home, I wear my Love Waits ring everyday.

45. I am not good at starting or sustaining conversations.

46. The Hunger Games is in the running for my favorite book series.

47. I love to people watch.

48. My hair looks much better when it's short, but I prefer to have long hair.

49. Most days, I don't wear make up to work.

50. I absolutely love cheesy made-for-TV films.

51. I had braces twice.

52. Apparently, my laugh is infectious.

Story #3: Dialogue only.

This is a dialogue only story that I wrote for a contest. Sadly, it did not make it through, but I do get plenty of chances up until later in September... so I will be trying again. :)

Let me know what you think!

-----------------------------

A Secret to Share

by Cassie Smartt

"Margaret Beasley?"
"Just Maggie."
"Okay, Maggie. My name is Officer Petty. I am in charge of this investigation. Can you tell me exactly what happened?"
"Well, like I told Officer Keller over there, my friends and I were out for a night swim in this river when Shoe..."
"Meaning Michael Shoeman?"
"Yes... when Michael Shoeman felt something... a hand... brush up against his leg. He grabbed a hold of it and pulled the arm out of the water. When he realized what it was, he freaked out and dropped the arm, then we all hurried out of the water."
"Did anyone else see Mr. Shoeman pull the hand and arm out of the water?"
"Not that I know of. It was too dark to see anything that wasn't right in front of you."
"Okay, so then what happened?"
"Shoe... I mean Michael... got his cell phone and called 911."
"And where were you and your friends prior to the river?"
"We were at Katie's house because her parents are out of town."
"Did you know the boy we pulled from the water... Nicolas Harper?"
"Not personally, but I've seen him at school. He is... well, was... kind of a loner."
"Thank you, Maggie. Now, are you positive there isn't anything else you want to tell me?"
"Um, n-n-no sir."
"Okay, thank you again. That is all I need for now."
"You're welcome."
"Here's my card. Call me if you can think of anything else that would help."
"Okay, I will."
"Mags, you stuck to the story, right?"
"Of course I did. Shoe, what if they find out?"
"They won't find out as long as we all stick to the story."
"I'm scared."
"Well, if you can keep your mouth shut, you shouldn't be."
"But they are taking Nick's body for an autopsy. They are going to find--"
"Maggie! Calm down. When they find it, they won't be able to link it to any of us. Now, shut up before someone overhears you."
"Please, Shoe... let's just tell them the truth. We can tell them it was an accident. They'll have to belie--"
"No! We're not saying anything. If we tell them that now, they'll think we're lying about it being an accident. We're over 18 years old... they'll lock us up for sure."
"I want to go home. I'm cold and wet and I am not sure how much longer I can keep my composure."
"Let me check with Officer Petty to make sure it's alright, and then I'll drive you home."
"Okay, thanks."
"Maggie?"
"Woah! Officer Keller, you scared me."
"I'm sorry. Maggie, I came to offer you a deal. I've heard each one of your friends' stories and I find it hard to believe that six people would tell this same story verbatim without rehearsing it first."
"Officer Keller..."
"Now hear me out... I've known your granddad a long time and he has boasted about what a wonderful and honest young lady you are, so I figured I would come to you. If you come with me to the station and tell me the whole story, the REAL story, I can get the charges dropped for you when the truth comes out."
"What about everyone else?"
"I can't promise anything for them. Just know that the truth will come out in one way or another. Which side of it do you want to be on?"
"..."
"Just think about it for a few minutes and get back to me. I'll be in my car."
"Mags, lets go. I got the okay to take you home."
"Shoe..."
"What's wrong with you? You look like you're going to be sick."
"Shoe..."
"Snap out of it, Mags, before you give our secret away."
"Shoe, you don't need to take me anymore. I found a safe way home."
"What are you talking about? With who?"
"I'm so sorry, I have to do this..."

A Secret to Share by Cassie Smartt is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

De Colores.

This past weekend was the Walk to Emmaus Crossroads Flight #12 and it was so amazing! It truly was a mountain top experience that the butterflies and workers are not ever going to forget. God's presence was so strong and moving. 

This walk marked the first anniversary of my Crossroads Flight. It was so good to be back on the mountain for the entire weekend as opposed to only serving during mealtimes. Being able to work on it was such a blessing. I watched our new Emmaus family members grow, learn, and get fed the Truth; it took me back to my walk and everything I felt as I went through the weekend. It is one of the most amazing experiences anyone could ever do in their life.

This community of believers is my family. We support, uplift, and pray for one another. The amount of love and grace that is shown by my brothers and sisters is, honestly, unbelievable. The Word of Christ is poured out from each member. I am so blessed to be a part of this growing community. Every time I encounter my brothers and sisters, I am reminded of God's love for me. 

If you ever get the chance to go on any Emmaus Walk (Chrysalis, Crossroads, or Emmaus), you should definitely say yes! It is a once in a lifetime opportunity that should not be passed up.

Short story fail.

I went to Barnes and Noble tonight specifically to write a new story. I thought the atmosphere would give me new inspiration I have not accessed yet... 

Anyway, I had my earphones in, Rascal Flatts playing in my head, and my notebook laid out in front of me. I thought "this is going to be great! I am so ready to write!"

Well, Cassie, you were WRONG.

I started a story and after the first few lines, and a moment to think about where the story would go, I tore the crap out of that paper. IT. WAS. AWFUL.

So then, I sit and think. And then I sit and think some more. Nothing.

I pulled out a list of story prompts thinking maybe it would help if I had a direction to go in. I selected a prompt that seemed like it would be fun, mysterious, and an all around good story. I knew with this background, the story would flow through my fingers like it was meant to be written. 

I got it started and knew the direction I wanted to take it and I had even written up to the point of surprise but again, it was crap. I don't know what was wrong with me. I kept this fragment of a story in my notebook so maybe I can salvage it later, but I gave up for the night. 

I need a muse. 

And, I am taking 

applications starting now.

:)

In other news, I will be working on the Crossroads Walk to Emmaus this weekend; it starts tomorrow night and is until Sunday afternoon. On the walk, the "caterpillars" are not to have their phone or really any electronic device like a phone, but I think the people working are allowed to. However, I think I will be leaving mine off because it makes the experience so much better. I am telling you this so that if you text or call me and I don't reply/answer, I am not ignoring you... I just won't have my phone with me. 

I will see you next week, world.

Happy Birthday, Daddy

I couldn't have asked for a better hero;

God blessed me more than I deserved when

he chose you to be my daddy.

I am so thankful to have a father

that loves and supports me as much as you do.

I hope you have a very special birthday...

you deserve it!

Happy 49th Birthday, Daddy

I love you so much!

And I miss you constantly.

My daddy was my hero
For my very youngest years;
Daddy kept me safe and happy,
And he chased away my fears.
I watched in awe and wonder
At each manly thing he did;
Oh, I looked up to my daddy,
When I was a little kid.

My dad was still my hero,
As the years passed, one by one.
He taught important lessons,
And he took some time for fun.
He was my firm foundation;
On my dad I did depend;
He was always there for me,
My dad, my guide, my friend.

My father is my hero,
Now that I am fully grown.
I love him and respect him,
The best man I've ever known.
I know that when I marry
That my husband will have to be
A great man, just like my father,
Dad, my hero you'll always be.

Story #2

The Dream of a Fox

by Cassie Smartt

"Sir?... Sir? We're at your house."

The cab driver snaps me back into reality. I loosen my grip on the seat and feel the sting in my joints as I relieve the pressure. My hands must have been gripped tight for the entire twenty minute ride from the airport.

"Sir, this is the address you told me. Have I gotten it wrong?" he asks, confused.

"Oh, I'm sorry. No, this is the right place," I confirm as I look at the house where I have spent twenty years of my life.

"This is a nice place you have," the man states as he observes the grandeur of the historic house.

"It's not my house. It belongs to my parents," I blurted out matter-of-factly. Looking at his face in the rearview mirror, I can tell he registered the hint of hostility in my voice.

I come from family money. Generations of us Fox's have lived in comfort and splendor. With this livelihood, though, comes specific obligations. For the males in the Fox family, it's always the same expectations: Ivy league college, business degree, and become part of the family business. I am next in line to take over.

"Sir, would you like me to help you with your bags?"

"Could you actually drive around the block again?" I am not ready to face my parents with the truth.

We pass several of the other houses in the neighborhood. This is what I'm giving up... nice things, easy living, not having to worry about simple things. I chose to give it up, though. I know what I'm getting myself into. I just hope my parents try to understand.

"So, are you visiting home from college?" I can see the curiosity in the driver's eyes staring at me in the mirror. Maybe if I straighten out my thoughts here, explaining it to my parents will be a bit easier.

"Actually, I won't be going back to school."

"Oh, you already graduated? Congratulations!"

"No, I was only halfway into my third year," my voice cracked with worry.

We arrived at a stop sign and for a moment, the world was eerily silent. The engine's hum from the acceleration provided the only sound until we turned once again down my street. I suppose he felt sorry for asking, but it wasn't what he said that got to me.

We are coming up to my parents' house when my heart begins to race. I need to think about something else...

"So, how did you become a cab driver?" I ask, trying to calm my nerves.

"Well, believe it or not, driving a cab was never my dream," he says with a bit of sarcasm. "Right out of high school, I moved to New York City to be a jazz musician. I played at clubs and on the streets. I even opened up once for Miles Davis, you know, before he got famous. I only took driving a cab as a part time job. Eventually, I had to stop playing so I could provide for my family."

Another I-failed-at-my-dream story. Great. I need to stop asking people about their lives, it does nothing to help my confidence about the choices I am making.

Once again, the car is stopped in front of my house. I can feel the driver's eyes studying my hesitation to get out of the car, but I don't look at him. I fixate my attention of the small cross I hold in my hands. It once belonged to my grandmother, who always urged me to go after what I want. I say a quick prayer for strength, encouragement, and clarity for when I finally tell my parents my life changing news.

Well, I guess it's now or never. I open the door and plant one foot onto the familiar driveway. With a deep breath, I am finally able to get out of the car.

The driver has already gotten my bags out and has placed them on the ground. As I reach for the bags, the driver turns to me.

"You know, kid, I have never once regretted my decisions to follow my dreams to New York City. It was something I had to do for myself. I had to see if I could do it; otherwise, I'd be sitting at home right now wondering 'what if?'."

And there it was. I suddenly felt braver than I ever have before. It was the extra push I needed from above; a confirmation that I was following His will.

I paid the driver more than enough for the ride. He was a bigger help than he will ever know.

Overcome with a peace beyond all understanding, I open the big, red door for the millionth time and prepare myself for the most consequential conversation I will ever have...

The Dream of a Fox by Cassie Smartt is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Happy Birthday, Nana

A millions times we've needed you,

A million times we've cried.

If love alone could've saved you,

You never would have died.

In life we loved you dearly,

In death we love you still.

In our hearts you hold a place

No one else will ever fill.

It broke our hearts to lose you,

But you didn't go alone.

Part of us went with you,

The day God took you home.

Dinah Petty

1944-2006

Happy birthday, Nana! I miss and love you so much! 

You are forever in my heart 

and I can't wait to hug your neck again one day, 

in the presence of our Father.