I've been staring at the cursor blinking, trying to think of what to write and this is exactly what sums up all of my current thoughts: I miss my family so much it hurts. I talked on the phone to both of my sisters earlier and tried to talk to my brother but got his voicemail. I want so badly for all of us to be under the same roof right now.
It seems now that I only get to see Brandy and Mat once every six months and that just isn't cutting it. We miss so much of each other's lives because of all of the miles. It makes me sad.
I get to see Cody quite a bit more than I get to see B and MJ. We usually only let a month or two pass before we get to visit each other, which is good ... but not great. I am ready for him to move home (to Chattanooga: his real home) so I can always have him around.
Ashley, luckily, lives about 12 minutes from me. But even so, I don't see her as often as I could; not meaning months or even weeks, but I have the luxury of having my sister here and we sometimes go days without seeing each other. But at least I have her here. She is my security blanket.
I wish my siblings and their significant others would come here so we could all live together and have one big party house. I would be forever happy. They light up my life. :)
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On most days, my mood is, well, "blah"... if that makes any sense. My job has me so unhappy that it's beginning to feel normal to be that way, and I know that is not the way it's supposed to be. After work, I don't do much of anything up until the point where it is so late that I crash in bed, only to wake up early and do it again. I am about to turn 22 years old. I think it's time to find my calling.
I probably sound really depressed right now, and I see why you think so, but it's more that I am in a state of apathy. And that is really bad. It's so hard to pull yourself out of it because it can get to be really comfortable and safe that way. Trust me, I am in prayer about it, but I need God to physically shake it out of me. Change it up. Make things better. Being apathetic will keep you in a standstill, never moving forward, never progressing. It's scary if you think about it.
My fear of the change is what God is really working on with me right now. On more than one occasion this week, He has told me that it's my fear holding me back and that the fear doesn't excuse me from anything. I need to be working towards His will by being His disciple. A true disciple of the Lord. That means walking as Jesus walked, doing as He did, loving as He did, and spreading the Word as He did. Only then will I find true joy and the plan for my life. I find that I doubt too often that I can do anything; I don't like to fail.
Please, just be in prayer for me that I may hear God and find the direction I need to go. I can't stay in my situation any longer without going completely insane.
Listen to this <3
Movies seen in theaters: 6
DvDs bought: 18
I am proud of you cass for wanting to follow Him and be a disciple for Christ! You are lovely, beautiful, strong, sincere, trustworthy, smart, FUNNY, and one of the best sister and friend I have ever had, so thank you so much for that. I am always in prayer for you especially when it comes to your future decisions and also for your happiness. Just remember God is not just wanting you to be happy with your future decisions but to be happy and blessed with what you have right now :) I am going to make an effort to hang out with you more bc honestly I feel that same way often, and always want to be around you. Love you and bless you my dear sweet sister :)
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