For the most part, all of us feel that we are inadequate in certain areas of our life. Whether it be our looks, personalities, relationships, or whatever... we have our insecurities. This doesn't make you weird or crazy, it is part of our nature as humans to feel this way. Though none of us can obtain it, many people strive for perfection. And what is this "perfection" we are trying so hard to grasp? ...Being loved by everyone? Having no faults in the eyes of the world? Showing others that we are independent and can make it on our own? That is not God's will for our lives.
My insecurities have stemmed mostly from my relationships with family and friends. I mean, I know I am a good friend (most of the time, anyway) to others, I just always thought of myself more as a convenient friend than anything else. You know, the friend that is conveniently around to hang out with when all of your other friends are out of town or have other plans. Or the friend that can't say no. The one whose reliance you can count on without actually having to form a real friendship with.
This may be a ridiculous concept, and I know it probably isn't the WHOLE truth, but hey, I couldn't help how I felt. I have always loathed the feeling of being a burden on someone, especially someone I love, which probably had a lot to do with my reasoning. I felt that this person is only hanging out with me to be nice and that they would much rather be somewhere else, therefore, I am a burden.
Also, I really would do anything in this world for one of my friends, and I don't expect anything in return for my actions, but Satan likes to put nasty thoughts in our heads. I would feel that my friendships would be one sided, as in I would put forth so much effort and they wouldn't.
For this reason, I had never been one to open up about my feelings or thoughts. I thought it was a better thing for me to keep it all to myself because who really cared to hear it? It wasn't vital information... it wasn't interesting... it was just easier to push it to the side and pretend it wasn't there.
I had been wrong. Oh so totally wrong.
People - namely, my friends - do care to know. I have been working on this issue for quite a while and I have finally reached the point where I can trust that fact. They want to love me the way a friend should and they want be there for me when I need it. But friends of this world can only go so far.
I am terrified to be let down by any one of my best friends; the possible consequences scare me. It has happened before and the result was awful; we lost contact for longer than I could bare. It made me cower back into my safe, little corner for a while. And although we have since made up, I still cringe at the thought of it; but, I can look back at that time as a lesson. People will fail you, it's inevitable. Humans can not do right by everyone all of the time, only God can and will.
But that also doesn't mean you can't trust others. Our reliance needs to be always on our Father, but He sends us friends and family so that we may encourage one another and grow in our relationship with Him. Friends are there to push us to be better when we can and to hold us accountable at the right times. They are there so that we may hear God, whether through words or actions, when we try to run from Him. They are there to love us as much as they can, yet not as much as the Lord can.
I mean, if a friend can love us the way they do, just think of the love God has for us; His love is unconditional. Let that word sink in: unconditional; that means no matter what: whether we love Him or not, choose to follow Him or not, if we sin, if we do His work, if we have never even heard of Him... He loves us all the same. It's greater than we can even comprehend.
In a way, relying on your friends has a whole lot to do with relying on God. Being so closed off like I have been before means I shut everyone out, including Him. I have come to realize this but I still struggle with it.
Many times, my thoughts are interrupted by the Lord asking me why I try to do anything alone. He gets on to me like a Father should. And of course, I get a little embarrassed and tell Him that I won't let it happen again, but you know me.. I am forgetful. Lucky for me, He lets me know when I have forgotten in little ways. I started this post as "lesson learned" about one of my biggest insecurities and it has developed into something much more... a post about needing Him, about Him wanting us to need Him more than anyone else. But, that's God for you; working in ways you don't plan and taking you to a different level where you, yourself, relearn the way He works. This was His way of reminding me what I need to hear.
Oh, how I love Him. :)
Movies seen in theaters: 3
DvDs bought: 5
Stay lovely.
My insecurities have stemmed mostly from my relationships with family and friends. I mean, I know I am a good friend (most of the time, anyway) to others, I just always thought of myself more as a convenient friend than anything else. You know, the friend that is conveniently around to hang out with when all of your other friends are out of town or have other plans. Or the friend that can't say no. The one whose reliance you can count on without actually having to form a real friendship with.
This may be a ridiculous concept, and I know it probably isn't the WHOLE truth, but hey, I couldn't help how I felt. I have always loathed the feeling of being a burden on someone, especially someone I love, which probably had a lot to do with my reasoning. I felt that this person is only hanging out with me to be nice and that they would much rather be somewhere else, therefore, I am a burden.
Also, I really would do anything in this world for one of my friends, and I don't expect anything in return for my actions, but Satan likes to put nasty thoughts in our heads. I would feel that my friendships would be one sided, as in I would put forth so much effort and they wouldn't.
For this reason, I had never been one to open up about my feelings or thoughts. I thought it was a better thing for me to keep it all to myself because who really cared to hear it? It wasn't vital information... it wasn't interesting... it was just easier to push it to the side and pretend it wasn't there.
I had been wrong. Oh so totally wrong.
People - namely, my friends - do care to know. I have been working on this issue for quite a while and I have finally reached the point where I can trust that fact. They want to love me the way a friend should and they want be there for me when I need it. But friends of this world can only go so far.
I am terrified to be let down by any one of my best friends; the possible consequences scare me. It has happened before and the result was awful; we lost contact for longer than I could bare. It made me cower back into my safe, little corner for a while. And although we have since made up, I still cringe at the thought of it; but, I can look back at that time as a lesson. People will fail you, it's inevitable. Humans can not do right by everyone all of the time, only God can and will.
But that also doesn't mean you can't trust others. Our reliance needs to be always on our Father, but He sends us friends and family so that we may encourage one another and grow in our relationship with Him. Friends are there to push us to be better when we can and to hold us accountable at the right times. They are there so that we may hear God, whether through words or actions, when we try to run from Him. They are there to love us as much as they can, yet not as much as the Lord can.
I mean, if a friend can love us the way they do, just think of the love God has for us; His love is unconditional. Let that word sink in: unconditional; that means no matter what: whether we love Him or not, choose to follow Him or not, if we sin, if we do His work, if we have never even heard of Him... He loves us all the same. It's greater than we can even comprehend.
In a way, relying on your friends has a whole lot to do with relying on God. Being so closed off like I have been before means I shut everyone out, including Him. I have come to realize this but I still struggle with it.
Many times, my thoughts are interrupted by the Lord asking me why I try to do anything alone. He gets on to me like a Father should. And of course, I get a little embarrassed and tell Him that I won't let it happen again, but you know me.. I am forgetful. Lucky for me, He lets me know when I have forgotten in little ways. I started this post as "lesson learned" about one of my biggest insecurities and it has developed into something much more... a post about needing Him, about Him wanting us to need Him more than anyone else. But, that's God for you; working in ways you don't plan and taking you to a different level where you, yourself, relearn the way He works. This was His way of reminding me what I need to hear.
Oh, how I love Him. :)
Movies seen in theaters: 3
DvDs bought: 5
Stay lovely.
No comments:
Post a Comment